Northern Family Intervention Services, Inc.
P.O. Box 398 - Gaylord, Michigan 49734-0398 - 989.732.6448 (Office) - 989.731.0670 (Fax)
CONCRETE SOCIAL SKILLS FOR FAMILIES
Regardless of a person's or family's particular problems, social skills help families and children to function more effectively in the social environment around them. These skills are important because society has expectations of behavior in the home, school, work, and in the community, generally speaking. Social skills are also rarely taught despite the fact that they are reasonable and ready expectations that society places upon individuals. Mastery of these skills, in part, determines personal and family success.
Practice these skills as parents to model them for your children. Teach these skills to your children to develop new, positive, and improved expectations in your family's home.
A SPECIAL NOTE: It is important to teach these skills to children in times of peace and relative harmony. Do not try to teach these skills in times of crisis or as a point of correction. These skills are important and must be taught in a way and at a time where your children are apt to best absorb them. Rewarding children for using these skills is also more effective than punishing them for not.
FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS:
Look at the person.
Say "OK".
Do task immediately or within the expected time.
Check back when completed.
ACCEPTING 'NO' FOR AN ANSWER:
Look at the person.
Say "OK"
No arguing, whining, or pouting.
If you don't understand why, ask calmly for a reason.
If you disagree or have a complaint, bring it up later when you've had time to consider the reason further.
ACCEPTING CRITICISM:
Look at the person.
Say "OK".
No arguing.
If you don't understand the criticism, calmly ask for more information.
MAKING A REQUEST:
Look at the person.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
State your request specifically.
Be sure to say, "Please".
Be sure to say, "Thank you" after your request is granted.
GREETING SOMEONE:
Look at the person.
Smile.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
Make a polite verbal greeting (like, "Nice to meet you. . ."), and state your name.
DISAGREEING WITH SOMEONE:
Look at the person.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
Make an empathy statement (like, "I hear what you're saying, but. . .")
State disagreement specifically.
Give a rationale/reason for your disagreement.
Say "thank you".
GIVING NEGATIVE FEEDBACK:
Look at the person.
Use a calm voice tone.
Make a positive statement or praise the person for what they do well.
State the problem specifically.
Give a rationale or reason for why it's a problem.
Offer a solution.
Thank the person for listening.
RESISTING PEER PRESSURE:
Look at the person.
Use a calm voice tone.
Thank them for choosing to include you.
Explain that you do not want to participate.
Offer an alternative activity or what you will/could do instead.
Continue to refuse to participate if necessary.
GETTING THE TEACHER'S ATTENTION:
Look at the teacher.
Raise your hand.
Wait for acknowledgment.
After being acknowledged, ask your question or raise your concern in a quiet, polite voice tone.
VOLUNTEERING TO PARTICIPATE:
Look at the person.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
Ask the person if you could volunteer to help.
State specifically the task your volunteering to do.
Give a rationale, reason or possible benefit for your help.
APOLOGIZING TO SOMEONE:
Look at the person.
Use a pleasant and apologetic voice tone.
Make a specific statement of remorse (like, "I am sorry for. . .").
State a plan for suture appropriate behavior to replace the problem behavior in question.
Ask the person to accept the apology.
ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION:
Look at the person.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
Ask the person questions about their statements/feelings or make statement in direct response to points made.
Don't interrupt and listen to the other person.
Follow-up their replies with a comment without changing the conversation.
REPORTING WRONGDOING OF OTHERS:
Look at the person.
Use a calm voice tone.
Request to speak to the adult privately.
Give a specific description of person's inappropriate behavior.
State a rationale/reason for the report.
Suggest possible solutions.
Thank the adult for listening to you.
ACCEPTING A COMPLIMENT:
Look at the person.
Smile.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
Do not disagree with the compliment.
Thank the person for noticing you.
NEGOTIATING AN ISSUE:
Look at the person.
Use a pleasant voice tone.
Listen to other's points of view without interrupting.
State your position specifically and clearly.
Give rationale/reasons for your position.
Be willing to accept the other's points of view and compromise if appropriate.
Thank the person for their willingness to cooperate with you.
BACK TO THE FAMILY RESOURCE CORNER